Sometimes My Body Hears the Music Before I Do

There are songs I listen to.

And then there are songs that somehow happen to me.

You know what I mean?

The first few seconds come on and before I’ve even consciously decided whether I like it, something in my body has already answered.

A shoulder moves.

My hips catch the bass.

My foot starts keeping time.

And suddenly apparently we’re doing this now. 😂

I’ve always moved.

I don’t really remember learning how to love dancing because it never felt like something somebody had to teach me to love.

Music comes on.

I move.

It has always felt that simple.

And somehow also not simple at all.

Sometimes It’s the Bass

Ohhhh, the bass.

There is something about feeling music instead of only hearing it that does something to me.

That low vibration you can feel through the floor.

In your chest.

In your stomach.

And your body starts moving before your brain has submitted the appropriate paperwork.

That’s probably my favorite kind of dancing.

When I’m not thinking:

What should I do next?

I’m not counting.

I’m not wondering what I look like.

I’m not performing the movement.

I’m just following it.

The beat changes and something in me changes with it.

Sometimes it’s sexy.

Sometimes it’s soft.

Sometimes I’m bouncing around like an absolute idiot.

All valid artistic expressions. 😂

And Then Sometimes It’s the Lyrics

This is where things get dangerous.

Because I feel everything.

Probably more than I would occasionally prefer.

A lyric can catch me completely off guard.

I could be perfectly fine.

Dancing.

Having fun.

Living my little life.

And then someone sings one sentence that apparently had a direct appointment with an emotion I’ve been avoiding for three months.

Excuse me???

Who gave you access to that file? 😭

There are moments when a song hits me so deeply I feel like I could just break down in the middle of it.

And sometimes I do get emotional.

Not always because I’m sad.

That’s what I love about music.

Sometimes I can’t even name the feeling.

It’s nostalgia.

Longing.

Excitement.

Love.

Grief.

Hope.

Something I miss.

Something I haven’t even experienced yet but somehow already understand.

All sitting inside the same three minutes and forty-two seconds.

How insane is that?

Dance Gives the Feeling Somewhere to Go

I think that’s why movement has always felt so natural to me.

Sometimes words aren’t enough.

Sometimes I don’t even know what I would say.

But my body does.

A song gives the feeling shape.

Maybe my arms become softer.

Maybe I close my eyes.

Maybe my hips follow something slower.

Maybe the beat drops and suddenly every emotional problem I have is temporarily none of my business.

Highly recommended. 😂

There’s freedom in letting your body respond without constantly asking whether the movement is correct.

I don’t think every dance needs choreography.

Sometimes I think your body already knows what the song is asking for.

You just have to stop interrupting it.

I Think We’re Taught to Become Self-Conscious About Movement

Kids don’t care.

Put music on around a little kid and they’ll dance like nobody has ever explained embarrassment to them.

Their knees are going in seventeen directions.

Their arms have completely independent plans.

They’re spinning.

They’re screaming.

They’re thriving.

Then somewhere along the way, we start wondering:

Do I look stupid?

Am I good at this?

Is somebody watching?

Do I have the right body to dance?

And suddenly something that was once instinct becomes performance.

I hate that.

Because dancing isn’t something your body has to earn.

Movement belongs to everybody.

You don’t need the right shape.

The right rhythm.

The right clothes.

The right audience.

Sometimes you just need a song you love and enough room not to accidentally kick the coffee table.

Music Has Been With Every Version of Me

That’s another thing I love about it.

Songs become little timestamps.

There are songs that immediately take me somewhere.

A person.

A summer.

A room.

A feeling.

A version of myself I haven’t thought about in years.

Three notes and suddenly she’s standing right beside me again.

There are songs I’ve danced to when I was completely happy.

Songs I’ve cried to.

Songs I’ve used to pull myself out of a mood.

Songs that made me feel sexy when I didn’t before they started.

Songs I played so many times that everyone around me probably considered an intervention.

And then there are songs I can’t listen to the same way anymore because life attached somebody to them.

Music remembers things.

Maybe that’s why it can feel so emotional.

Sometimes Dancing Is the Only Time My Brain Gets Quiet

This might be my favorite part.

My brain is usually busy.

Thinking.

Planning.

Questioning.

Jumping from one completely unrelated subject to another like someone gave a squirrel Wi-Fi.

But sometimes when the music is loud enough and I really disappear into it…

everything gets quiet.

I’m not thinking about tomorrow.

I’m not thinking about what somebody thinks of me.

I’m not thinking about work.

I’m not thinking about my phone.

I’m not even really thinking about the dance.

I’m just there.

Beat.

Breath.

Movement.

Feeling.

That’s it.

And for somebody whose brain doesn’t always understand the concept of shutting up…

that feels almost sacred.

I Hope I Always Move

I hope I’m old and still dancing.

I hope one day I’m somebody’s inappropriate grandma in the kitchen who hears a song and immediately starts moving while everyone says:

“Here she goes.”

Yes.

Here she fucking goes. 😂

Because I don’t ever want to become too polished to be moved by something.

I don’t want to hear music and only hear sound.

I want the bass in my chest.

I want lyrics that make my eyes sting.

I want songs that remind me of people.

I want to move without wondering whether anybody likes the way I move.

I want to feel something so strongly that my body has to participate.

Because that’s what dance has always been for me.

Not just performing.

Not just looking sexy.

Not just learning steps.

Expression.

Freedom.

Connection.

Sometimes joy.

Sometimes heartbreak.

Sometimes something I can’t explain at all.

Music enters through my ears…

and somehow the rest of me answers.

I think it always will.

Alexus Rae
xoxo ♡